SupahAnnie's Blog

Childcare Supervisor to stay at home Mum!

If you don’t behave i will….um….i will, actually what will i do???

on November 27, 2012

As a Child Care worker I worried about how to deal with inappropriate behaviors. The rules are firm, don’t touch a child, yell at them, embarrass them in front of others, don’t refer to the child as naughty, annoying or bad.

 

By the time I went on maternity leave we were told not to put children on time outs as parents had complained! Are you kidding me WHAT??

 

I know that children should not be facing a wall for half a lesson but I give my toddler two-minute time outs at home simply to calm him down and give him time to think about his actions.

A time out can simply refer to taking a child away from the situation to another activity at least then they learn that behaving in such a way is not appropriate. 

 

Children these days are aware of our limited conquences for negative behavior  more than we realize.  In schools and Childcare centers you will often hear a child say, ‘I’m going to tell my parents you got angry at me’. Most staff get to know parents so well they know which ones will agree with them and which ones really will be annoyed.

 

I believe that if you place your child into someone’s care that you are allowing them to also teach your child how to act with others particulary when it is not one on one care. However I also believe this should be agreed upon in advance.

 

When anyone enrolled at my child care centre I would give them a run down of such policies to check that they were on board with this. If they are opposed to detention or time out or exclusion from a particular activity then I would ask them to suggest what would be an appropriate consequence. Some parents would boarder on the strict approach ‘give them a slap’, AHHH, NO, we are not doing that to, ‘he was just mucking around I’m not paying childcare fees for my child to sit on time out’. Often such parents would back down or if not if a situation with their child did occur I would ring the parent ASAP and tell them what’s happening. In the end it is their child and it is up to them to decide but not many want this phone call whilst at work. I guess it comes down to trust. Do you trust those taking care of your child?

 

I think discipline is hard these days, it’s a fine line. All of us working with children are scared of litigation in its many forms and the question, ‘who was responsible’?

 

Litigation is at an all time high. I remember seeing on the news a few months back about a student getting sued for knocking into another student during a sport game and injuring them. Come on, are you joking, that is ridiculous with any sport there is an element of danger but isn’t that just life!! What is that teaching our children, the leaders of our future about life and consequences? How will this help them cope in the work place?

 

What do you guys think? If your child misbehaves at child care or school what happens? ? Do you know the school or childcare policy on behavior?

 

 

 

 

And do you agree with this approach?

 

Thanks,

 love SupahAnnie xo

 

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7 responses to “If you don’t behave i will….um….i will, actually what will i do???

  1. Victoria says:

    I think time outs are good for the kiddlehopper to think about why the behaviour was bad. Then you can have a discussion with them after, and maybe there was a completely different issue that you couldn`t figure out before for whatever reason. I haven’t made up my mind when I will be going back to work, but the child will be cared for by others eventually. I would love the discussion before hand on how they handle misbehaviour. I would rather time outs than taking things away.

  2. shaneyp303 says:

    I am with you about time outs and discipline. Kids needs to know there are consequences to their actions, or they grow up thinking and acting like they can behave any way they like and the world should just accept it.

    If I left my daughter at a day care center and they just let her run rampant, I would pull her out. I expect anyone who watches her to teach her manners, good behavior and self discipline. Lord knows I don’t want a child who misbehaves and becomes completely out of control.

  3. tobuildohome says:

    Hi Supahannie, i think i may have a very different approach to this one, but it does come from the care giver perspective rather than a mama’s (O hasnt been put in child care). I do not really believe in using a time out as punishment or a form of discipline. I think that kids may use that time out as a time to retaliate, or they just sit feel bad about themselves. I think that kids aren’t advanced enough to use that time the way adults expect they should. Adults probably need more time outs than kids! 😉

    Rather than a time out (cause i do believe there are those moments that they need to be removed from an activity,) they need a break, or space. Typically, there is a really strong reason for why a kid needs a break, one of their needs is not being met. They could be tired, or sad because mom is gone, angry that some other kid got something/took a toy, or they simply didnt get their way. So, the reaction is to act out, in which we then punish them for, which I dont think is fair. Dealing with the reaction alone, leaves the kid longing to have that original need met. When we dont teach kids to communicate appropriately, then they will continue to act out just to get the attention.

    This is a big topic for me and I am trying to get it narrowed down, I hope I am making sense! 😉

    All in all, I have removed a kid from a situation by either letting them know that I cannot have someone in the room that will be a danger to others (to get that public approach if they are way out of line–we leave and talk), “It looks like you are feeling angry or frustrated, but I cannot I have you hurt me or my friends, lets go take some space to solve this problem.” (or something like that..)
    Or I go to them, on their level and suggest going to take some space, which is where we can talk about the issue. The big one is just identifying with their emotion, talking about the behavior and what is not acceptable.

    All I know is that when they feel listened to, most kids are pretty agreeable, dont you think?

    one of my big reference books on this topic is Connection Parenting by, Pam Leo

    • supahannie says:

      supahannie says:
      APRIL 2, 2013 AT 9:15 AM

      Yes you are making sense. I do agree with this. When the child is removed from the activity or given a time out ( whichever the parents choose and depending on the situation and age of the child) we always communicate with them about what happened, why it happened etc to get all the facts and find out the underlining cause. We have a chat to them, on their level about it then give them the opportunity to do another activity or to participate the proper way. Then we always followed this up with the parents. Sorry I didn’t really express this in the article!

      • tobuildohome says:

        yes, its so hard to write about this topic because there are so many variables involved in each situation. I feel so strongly about how kids are disciplined (we will see how it goes with my own!?! lol), it seems as though the core problem (what the kiddo is feeling) never gets any attention, its their behavior & punishment that take precedence.

        I love the book I referenced, it highlights discipline through connection. Here are a few bullet points from the introduction. (i havent looked at this book in forever, i am so happy to have pulled it out!)

        -“We can teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. Children behave better when they feel better.”

        -“The only conflict that exists between parent (or caregiver) and child is between the strategies we use to get our needs met.”

        -“We can learn to decode children’s behavior and respond to their needs, instead of react to their behaviors.”

        those are just a few key points. sorry to bore, I get so excited about this topic because i was raised SO differently. Teaching preschool helped me speak the language. I know that stuck feeling at a childcare giver.

  4. supahannie says:

    The book sounds great I will have to get it thanks xo

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