SupahAnnie's Blog

Childcare Supervisor to stay at home Mum!

I have just started to realise…. Life is short!

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Lately I have been hearing about nothing but sickness, cancer and death. Sounds awful I know but it is a reminder that nobody knows how long we all have in this life.  So we should celebrate the time we have and spend as much time as possible with those we love. 
 
I started reminding myself of this in the last three years or so. It really does put things in perspective in a good way. So I may be really worried, stressed and anxious about something but then I think will this matter in five, ten or twenty years time is it a matter of life and death? Most of the time it’s not. There is an amazing book called ‘Change your Thinking by Sarah Edelmen.  In it she says, ‘90% of the things we worry about will never come to pass’. This is so true.
 
I love this and I have put it up around my house to remind me of it everyday. The book helps us to see things in a different light. It made me realise that we are the controllers of our thinking!! Really, we are despite what happens to us or around us we can always be in control of our thoughts, that is pretty amazing. We can’t totally control what’s going to happen, we can’t control or change what others do but we can control our thoughts in any given situation. We have the power, feels good doesn’t it!! 
 
So I wanted to try it out so I thought about something that drives me insane, often and annoys me just thinking about it. Traffic, hopeless drivers, people that cut you off or drive so close they are nearly in your boot, grrrr that really makes me mad. Really I hardly ever yell, scream or name call at all but when I am driving I believe I morph into a different person.  I have no empathy and no patience I name call, call out as if the person can totally hear me, shake my head, roll my eyes. I must look very funny at the traffic lights! 
 
So when I was driving the other day I reminded myself that I alone control my thoughts. It didn’t take long for someone to cut me off, not indicate at a roundabout and tailgate. But I stayed calm, well much calmer than normal. I took big calming breaths through my diaphragm and told myself that I don’t know what has just happened in that person’s life before they cut me off. They may be on their way to a hospital, a sick relative, they may have just been fired, cheated on, found out a love one died. I don’t know because I am in my car, they are in theirs. For whatever reason they are not driving safely and putting all the road users at risk but I can choose to stay calm. I can choose to feel empathy for this person who is obviously not very happy with something. By doing this I can stop an accident from happening. I can at least drive safely trying to avoid them and protect my family. It was powerful and it did work, try it and let me know how you go??
 
I am over petty fights, particularly those with love one’s. They are pointless and just make everyone feel awful. People will upset us, put us down or annoy us but we can choose how to respond. Instead of an argument we can choose to express our feelings by having a calm communication with the person. Sometimes it is simply better to agree to disagree rather than be stubborn. Stubborn people are not happy people. I have seen a friendship that has been broken after twenty years over one argument. One argument where one person would not back down, would not agree to disagree and the friendship is over! What is the point of that, what are they trying to prove?? On their deathbed will they say, ‘Wow I’m so glad I lost my best friends and I refused to let that argument go, I am so proud of myself’. No way, they will be ashamed, they will think of all the fun times together they missed out on and can’t get back, ever. 
 
I don’t want to win an argument I want to be heard, fix the relationship and not waste my short life with petty nonsense. I want to love strongly and be loved and treasured in return. I want to tell my family how much they mean to me all the time incase it is the last time. I don’t want to think, I wish I said this, I wish I said that or I wish I could hug them one last time. 
 
So today and everyday tell the people you love that you love them no matter what. Kiss your partner a little bit longer, hug your kids a little bit tighter, text or ring people just to show them that you care. We don’t know how long we have all got but we have now, this very moment to tell others how we feel, to make amends and to let go of the petty little things. 
 
Sing it out loud as Nickelback do:
          
     If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
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Goodbye My Twenties :(

                                 ‘Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins’  sang by Natasha Bedingfield

Recently I had my birthday and I had to kiss my twenties goodbye. It was the first time that I had not been happy about my birthday coming. I normally wonder about the gifts I will receive, wait in anticipation for the clothes or shoes I had picked out. But this year I just felt sad. I think I feel like this because leaving your twenties is a scary thought. I have always used excuses of age when falling over, being silly, when I don’t fully understand what is happening and when I am unable to join in on a conversation about politics. I always said, I am only a little girl, I am the youngest or I am a teenager we do stupid things. Then I graduated to I only just became an adult then it was, I am only in my twenties what do you expect but now leaving my twenties I feel there are no excuses left. No excuses as to why I don’t know who is in which political party, or why I don’t know what happened from the news last night or for why I can’t tell you what was on channel two last night etc. Saying hey, I’m only 30 just doesn’t mean the same thing. It doesn’t really mean anything at all. I can’t blame my young age as a factor anymore or my lack of knowledge for anything. I have been voting since I was 18 I should know by now what that’s all about. I should probably be able to watch an a current affairs show without being bored right? I should know which cutlery to use next at a fancy restaurant, I should read the world news section of the paper rather than the entertainment section or worse the comics. I occasionally fill in a crossword, word fill in or find a word but these are mainly the ones in my trashy magazines rather than the newspapers. But that’s me it’s who I am. I can be stubborn I only want to watch, be involved in or see things that appeal to me. It’s not to be rude or difficult. It’s more about feeling that life is short and I don’t want to spend it doing things that I have no interest in.

Maybe that’s what leaving your twenties does mean?? Maybe it means the point of life when you realise your likes and dislikes or the things you will put up with along with the things you won’t! Like finally finding yourself or coming into your own as they say. I think that over the last three years I have grown, I have matured, I have begun the process of finding myself. I have changed the way I speak, the way I write and the way I view things, in a really good way. My IQ probably hasn’t increased but my understanding of my self has.

I have found hobbies that I really like that’s something I’ve never really had before. My favourite is that I found writing! I found how much I like to write, be published and feel important in some way. I found I like to write about all different things from serious topics to funny ones. This has even turned into casual work for me.

I found that it is amazing but difficult being a Mum and while that is an extremely important role in itself we need something else as well. I need to be me still, to do things just for me so I don’t lose myself in the vacuum of parenting.

I should be proud of where I am. I should be proud that I am married to the boyfriend I had from 17 years old, that we have a gorgeous, healthy little boy, that we have a lovely house and that we have great families. I am proud of these things they mean the world to me. I may still feel like I am 12 but maybe we all do, maybe that’s ok?

I am happy with who I am now even if I don’t want to leave my twenties! It’s happened and I am ok. I got amazing presents including lovely surprises from my husband and I still have some birthday money left to spend which is still just as exciting as when I was 12.

So this song sums up what I have learnt over the past few years. It doesn’t make me Einstein but it helps me be me, so maybe that’s enough. Maybe like Peter Pan I just don’t want to grow up but does anyone really?

Sang by Des’ree:

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning can’t stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face

So tell me how did other’s feel about leaving their twenties??

P.S I want to wish my hubby a very Happy Birthday coming up and remind him that we have so much to be proud of and grateful for.
I am so proud of his Daddy skills and how well he is doing at work! We love you Daddy xo

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